Was That A Joke I Just Read?

Great Hayward cobbled bridge - slippery when wet!

Well, hello. Are you able to face yet more incoherent gibberish? Yes? No? Couldn’t care less either way? Whichever it is, settle yourself down with a nice cup of something and prepare for the worst.

Sunny Mooring at Alrewas

This week we have mostly been boating between a place called Handsacre, on the Trent & Mersey canal, and Tixall wide, which is a wide thing near a place called Tixall, on the Staffs & Worcester canal. There are only two locks between these two locations, so it is quite a relaxing area to chug along. Incidentally, and changing the subject in the way that only I can do, I thought I’d end each paragraph with some sort of random joke thing. If these raise the smallest of smiles then that can only be a good thing in these difficult times. Here is an example: Two fortune tellers met on the street. One said “You’re fine, how am I?”. Ha! Ha! or lol as the kids would say.

The 'Dancing Sheep' mooring

The weather has been okay on the whole, very cold nights and sunny days that do a reasonable impression of becoming sort of warm. Thanks to our central heating (radiators) and the multi-fuel stove we’ve been nice and toasty on board though, which is nice. A swan found its way into a canal side pub. The landlord said “Hey, I named my pub after you”. The swan replied “What, you called your pub Ron?”

Fradley

Now, dear reader, you probably know that when I do these jottings I always end up having a good rant or two. So this is a sort of a ranting paragraph. For those of you thinking “Oh my gawd, here we go, the old git is whinging and whining again”, I would have to agree. Can’t help it you see. Right, down to business. Adverts. They will drive me to drink unless I reach for the mute button. Why do they all seem to have rap (silent C) noise or frantic drumming and people whooping all over the place? Also the deceit is criminal. An advert comes on, implying that their product will change your life forever, you’ll be able to read Classical Sanskrit while eating something delivered by “Just Eat” and if you buy a Mokka car, you won’t turn into a nodding pigeon. Then the tiny, tiniest small print flashes onto the lowest edge of the screen. If you are able to read it you realise that what has been advertised doesn’t really exist, it is almost a lie. And another thing. I hate that they flag up a warning on old, classic comedy shows that state 'the content may offend some viewers'. Well, I must say that I find the excessive expletives on many modern so called comedy programs and dramas highly offensive. No warnings on those though. Deep breath, switch to calm down mode. Our friends Pat and Malc saw a strange bird near their boat the other day. They said it was stuck to the fence. Malc managed to free it and it flew onto a nearby branch, and got stuck on that. He rang the RSPCA in the end, who told him it was a Vel Crow.

Love a tribe of lambkins

We had some family visitors last Sunday; Claire, Lauren, Jesse and Oakley met us at Tixall Wide and we spent a nice afternoon in deckchairs, relaxing by the boat. Oakley (who is only two and a half), was fascinated when I adjusted his little bike with an allen key. He helped himself to the biggest allen key in the box and promptly started repairing Tricky, a stick and some grass. It was a joy to watch. How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.

Family Outing Great Hayward

Our engine mounted generator failed last year. I removed the belt and genny and surmised that the brushes probably needed replacing. We use the generator to operate the washing machine, electric kettle and toaster, obviously when the engine is running, so it was more of an inconvenience than a real problem. Our friends Richard and Mel dropped by recently and Richard kindly offered to take it home and repair it. That man is a star. They came back yesterday and, after a lot of fannying about and a few choice words worthy of a BBC comedy show, the thing was back in place. We started the engine and...nothing. Shazbat! Then Richard mentioned that it may have become demagnetised and that remagnetising was not too difficult, but would require a connection between some terminals with the engine running with me leaning over it. I didn’t like the sound of that, but I trust Richard so I started her up. Still nothing. Then Rich said give her some more revs. And then some more. Up to 2000 revs, then 2,100 revs. Then, as if by magic, a green light suddenly blinked on and the generator “fired up”. I tell you, my mate Richard is a genius! I saw what I thought was a frog, tapping on a stone this morning. Turned out it was a Morse toad. They are definitely getting worse, aren’t they dear reader?

Tea Up Malc!

We use solar panels to help charge the batteries when we’re moored up somewhere. They are brilliant and I’d recommend them to any other boaters. We can tilt and swivel them so they always face the sun; that makes so much difference. This time of year, with a reasonable amount of sun and bright weather (spell checker changed bright to fright, so it read fright weather. What’s that? Particularly scary clouds? Werewind? Baron Frankenstein high pressure systems?) we don’t need to run our engine at all. We can and have moored for days at a time, had the TV and fridge running, lights and pumps operating and the panels do all that and keep the batteries fully charged. We used to have a wind turbine too. It was a recognised brand and was horribly expensive, but it turned out to be absolutely pathetic and almost made things worse, battery-wise. I gave it away in the end. It was either that or use it as an anchor. In order to get it in the car I had to dismantle it. I took off the huge blades, the large heavy flywheel and opened the case. Inside was a weedy little thing about the same size as an old fashioned bicycle dynamo. Hope the wind turbines dotted around the landscape are better than this toy windmill was. There was a report of beavers on a stretch of canal last week. A boater was quite worried, didn’t know if they were a protected species. He rang CRT (Canal & River Trust) to ask if it was ok to move his boat by them. They said he was dammed if he did, dammed if he didn’t. Boom Boom! Do you know, I think my jokes are getting worse. Linda says they were never funny to start with. Still, backwards and downwards as contrary folk would say.

Evening paddle for this family

We see all sorts of things from our boat as we are dithering about on the canals and rivers of this beautiful country of ours. All sorts of wildlife, some of it human, birds etc, fish and stuff in the water. The countryside can be fantastic, too. Then again, some of the gardens we chug by are a sight to behold. We see all sorts; we’ve seen everything from grass to manikins, brambles to summer houses, landscaped works of art to signs telling boaters not to moor opposite. We even saw a garden explode once. That was at Handsacre, but is another story. Crystal ball for sale, £50.00 but you will knock me down to £30.00.

And that, as they say, is it for another week dear reader.

Love from

The Floating Chandlers


PS A rescue cat is a bit like recycled toilet paper: good for the planet but a bit scratchy.


PPS Final thought, it will be Star Wars day next week; May the fourth etc. Come on, think about it. Maybe if I write May the Force be with you?

Solar Panels going up.

Super Trooper

 Morning All

The Chandlers are most definitely afloat again and I’m feeling joyous as I perch in my usual place on the sofa.  I have a mug of coffee and that virtuous feeling that comes with resisting the temptation to have a biscuit with it.  18 months of comfort eating has taken its toll and this week I have felt the effects of lugging around the lockdown baking in the form of an extra roll around my middle.  I had achy joints and a stiff back requiring Ibruprofen for a few days (pained expression emoji) but after a week of moaning and groaning, the joints have eased and the back pain has disappeared.   By the time we got to Alrewas, I'd had a chance to get back up to my previous racing greyhound fitness (you must be kidding emoji) and we are just 6 narrow locks from our mooring at  Egginton - hardly a marathon!  

Peek -a-boo 

The Lady Aberlour was looking very sorry for herself when we arrived back on Tuesday morning.  Sand in the cratch, green algae on the cover, bird poop on the windows, a tear drop black stain of water damage from a leaky window in the cabin and curtains that look like the spiders held their own version of Glastonbury in there and left their ablutions behind.  After several days of elbow grease we are almost ship-shape, the fridge is stocked and I’ve reacquainted myself with the little foibles of boating life.  Foibles - isn’t that a delicious word!  Foibles are remembering to shower in a tea cupful of water, needing to ask Carl to put the invertor on when I use the oven and making your pants go another day till Carl gets the generator fixed (Just joking folks).

Secret door in Alrewas

So, what have we forgotten to pack - this is always good for a conversation that starts with the words ‘Oh No!’  After several days of searching, I had to admit that neither of us had packed the deodorant, so we may well smell like the rhino house at London Zoo (an abiding childhood memory for me). I have a shopping list of things that we thought we packed but didn’t.   Daddies sauce, Weetabix (3 packets of other cereal but forgot the Weetabix), paint brushes and sugar (spare bag on board but it has solidified and will need a hammer to return it to anything resembling granulated).  I’m thankful that the bedding was packed away in vacuum bags and came out as fresh as a daisy.  The first night we snuggled down with a hot water bottle to take the chill off and had the best sleep we’d had for weeks.  The morning brought a very different tale...we didn’t mend up the stove before bed and woke to a freezing cold boat - cabin temperature 6 degrees.  Needless to say, Tricky and I huddled down under the covers and used elbows, knees and feet (Tricky) to remind Carl that it was his duty to get up and light the stove if he wanted to enjoy the rest of his day.  Remember ‘Happy Wife, Happy Life’ - the sign is hanging in our cabin, just in case anyone needs reminding (eye roll emoji). The sun was soon streaming in through the windows, the kettles gently singing on the stove and Tricky snoring in her new fluffy bed.  She seems happy to be boating again, although she cannot get on and off the boat without help, like me she is an old lady and is reluctant to tackle the steep steps that we use to get from cabin to bows or stern.  I never noticed before how very steep they are so Tricky and I have that in common, although I draw the line at asking Carl to carry me up over the bows.  

Tricky in her new fluffy bed

I can’t tell you how much we have missed boating - we have only been out for about two weeks in 18 months, our longest break since we became the very proud owners of the lovely Lady Aberlour in 2008.  We haven't made any firm plans as yet but I have a hankering for Wales and the beautiful town of Llangollen.  It has been a while since we did that cruise and although it will be busy, we have the luxury of taking our time and mooring and exploring along the way.  There are so many favourite places that we are looking forward to revisiting and sharing with you.  The beautiful town of Nantwich, the views from the Pontycysyllte Aqueduct, the lock flight at Audlem and the beauty of the countryside around Ellesmere.  We may include a side trip down the Montgomery - a beautiful, if short, canal that leads to nowhere, just our cup of tea. These are just a few of our favourite places and hopefully we'll meet up with friends old and new along the way.  

Green roof begone!

I dug out the winceyette nightie and fluffy bed socks to combat the chilly nights, but even with the wood burner going at night, it still took me several days to get acclimatised and even Tricky thought it was too chilly to venture out for her usual 2am towpath inspection. If the nights were extremely cold then the days have been doing their best to make up for it by giving us extra warmth.  I've been able to discard my two of my five layers and get the recommended dose of Vitamin D on my white, pasty arms, not a pretty sight  but no-one cares on the canals.  Boaty people are generally very friendly and this week has reinforced that opinion, we have been smiling and waving at everyone and it's a tonic to see a whole army of jabbed up pensioners beginning to live again.  

That's all from me for now - here are some urgent repairs that must be done before we can leave the car and chug off.  We can't go too far as we both have to be home for our 2nd jabs at the beginning of May then we'll be off on our travels. 

Love as Always

The Floating Chandlers

ps  Carl fitted a new light in the bathroom and it's so bright that I've nicknamed it 'the Supertrooper' -  I feel like I need to tap dance with jazz hands every time I go in there.

pps I used up half my internet allowance already! in one week!- perhaps I may have to stop zooming

Victor and the Ducks

Sunday 18th April 2021                Alrewas                           

    

Hello again from the warmth of the sunny cabin aboard the Lady Aberlour.  Captain Carl and First Mate Lindy Loo are once more chugging off up the Trent and Mersey, looking for adventure.  It's been so long since we did a Hedgerow Jotting that neither of us can remember how to upload the photos.  I will post this and upload the photos tomorrow, when my lock down brain can fathom out how.  The Captain, usually the quietest out of the two of us, seems to have a lot on his mind, so I have handed over to him to get you in the mood for another season of aimless wittering - here is comes!!

Eggington Beach at our mooring

Captain Carl here - the sun was shining, the sky was blue and , at last, we were chugging along on the stern of the Lady Aberlour.  Just a few hundred yards away from our home mooring is a boat called “Victor’s New Home”. We have seen this boat every time we cruise from Egginton to Willington and vice versa. Always moored in the same place, and always with the same sense of respectful loneliness. For fourteen years or more I have wondered who Victor is and if I’d ever seen him cruising the cut. Well, it turns out that Victor is not a he at all. The boat is the new home of a Coventry Victor engine. Ok, ok, I realise that this is a contender for the greatest anti-climax of the week award, but I thought this would be a way of starting one of our infamous Jottings. Yes, dear reader, we are back on the water and looking forward to floating here, there and everywhere.

Love this little boat

Tuesday was the big day. We arrived at Egginton beach early in the afternoon and decided to load the boat straight away, rather then relax on the sand. By three p.m. we were moored just outside Willington and were getting our craft shipshape. As I was washing down the roof I became aware of a duck. Did you know, you get a better class of duck in this area than you do further south. Up here, ducks tend to be quite friendly and quack politely, asking how you are in the peculiar duck language that you can only understand if you are another duck. Down south, some of them are just plain rude, hurling abuse at you for the slightest thing. I’ve found that the best thing is to not get involved. Just ignore them is my advice. Swans are all the same wherever you are; arrogant, condescending, tending to look down their beak at you as they swim by. Always thinking they are whiter than snow. Anyway, enough said. I’ll leave it there; after all dear reader, I’m sure you already know this.

Duck on a mission

While I’m not on the subject of boating I thought I’d share some trivia with you. Now, most people can name some of the Knights of the round table. Sir Lancelot, Sir Percival and so on. But very few people know of King Arthur’s biggest Knight. He was a fearsome brute who went by the name of Sir Cumferance. Moving on, the world’s population is set to double in forty years. Babies are to blame. Finally, an allegedly true news item from America: a burglar was discovered in a couples’ house when the husband told a joke and they heard someone laugh upstairs.

Back to the original reason for this strange scribble, boating. We were pleased to note that when we returned to the boat after many months the engine started on the first attempt, everything seemed to be in good order inside and we were able to cast off without incident. I usually struggle to get the boat on and off from our home mooring as the canal is so shallow here but this day we cruised away on the first attempt - no pole required. We found signs that one of our windows has been leaking slightly though. I’ll have to get out the “creeping crack” stuff to try and seal wherever the leak is.

Our next stop was Branston. No, I’m sorry all those pickle lovers out there, this particular Branston is a pickle free zone. Actually, it is a nice spot to moor   A short walk into the village takes you to a Co-Op, a Byrd’s bakery, and a charity shop. There are also various take-away type places; Chinese takeaway and so on. Even a fish and chip shop. The one down side is that they are building swathes of new houses adjacent to the canal. What is, at the moment, a fairly quiet and rural spot, will soon be a built up area.

New building work at Branston

Some good friends of ours visited us today, Sunday. We cruised though four locks and moored just above Alrewas lock. They have been stuck in Spain since 2020, so it was extra nice to be able to spend some time with them. Thanks for a great day Richard and Mel.

We had a great day

I’ve been advised that these jottings are normally around one thousand words in length. In order to get the number of words up to the required aggregate I’m going to have to add some fillers. These are some newspaper headlines that made me smile. They may make you smile too. (Or maybe not!).

“A caller reported 30th June that a bird had been stolen from an apartment in the 100 block of Haskell Street East. It later was determined that the bird had not been stolen, but was lying dead at the bottom of its cage”.

“Worker suffers leg pain after crane drops 800 pound ball on his head”.

“Bridge closure date Thursday or October”.

“Woman missing since she got lost”.

That’s all for now dear readers

Love and hugs

The Chandlers Afloat

PS: it was the 50th anniversary of the two Ronnie this week. Linda and I loved their shows.

“A Grandfather has gone missing after eating four cans of baked beans, two cauliflowers and a jar of gherkins. His family has made an emotional appeal for him not to come home for a fortnight”.

“A survey on the decline of morals in Britain reveals that in Liverpool alone last week, an average of 26 women a day had casual sex with a married man who wasn’t their husband. The man is now recovering in hospital.

Classic stuff and its Goodnight from me and its Goodnight from her.